Andyland, USA

In a social setting the other afternoon, I was introduced to someone as a “film historian”. I was taken a little aback by it, not because I was offended by the term, but because no one has ever used that term in referring to my palpable love of movies. When being introduced in a social setting to people, not everyone feels a need to comment on my love of film. If they do, it's usually something like “Andy's a big movie lover” or the variation of “Andy's really passionate about movies”. Sometimes it's not quite as nicely put as that, “Andy's invested way too much time and money into a home video library that no one gives a damn about” or “Andy's spends a lot of time watching movies, because trying to have a conversation with a woman causes him to curl up into a ball, much like an armadillo.” Yet, they wonder why I never came back to any of their parties. If it even comes up at all in polite conversation, I'll happily refer to myself as a “...

The other day I received an invitation to my ten year high school reunion, and I have no desire to go. I didn't enjoy high school, though there were good times during that four year period, overall when I think back to that time I'm reminded of huge waves of awkwardness, depression, and anxiety that I see no reason to revisit or celebrate. People who knew me then are usually surprised to learn that I was unhappy during that four year period, that's because I became good at hiding my emotions (Also, driving to school in the mornings blasting “The Best of The Who” helped as well). Most people thought of me as a weirdo, and I was fine with that. I wasn't really anti-social, but I was rarely invited to anything. Football games didn't strike my fancy as an idea of a good time, so I usually spent of my Friday nights in watching Alfred Hitchcock movies and British comedies on BBC America. Looking back on it now, I'm OK with the fact that I was that way. I...

The new issue of Esquire magazine has an article in it on the benefits of meditation. I'm sure those of you who practice this on a daily basis are nodding in approval right now. The article had several bits of information on how just a short ten minutes of meditation a day could do wonders for your health, and your general attitude about life. I was reading the new issue of Esquire on my iPad, because I have a digital subscription to it. Don't get me wrong, I love traditional print media, and I've had an Esquire subscription for years. However, when I didn't subscribe to the magazine for a year or so, and was thinking of taking it up again, the techy in me liked the digital one too much (not to mention I don't have to worry about taking magazines to be recycled, as I horde those damn things like someone with two or three dead cats hidden in my house). The digital version of the magazine has some nice features, like adding video, music, and audio c...

Harry Nilsson was a genius, tortured soul, and one of the best singer/songwriters this country ever produced. Nilsson was to Rock and Roll what Roger Miller was to Country. Harry Nilsson happens to also be one of my top five favorite artists, and I adore his music with a passion. It also pains me that Nilsson died in 1994, and as with most genius, we are only now fully appreciating his work. Though best known for the song “Coconut” and his recordings of “Without You” and “Everybody’s Talkin'”, Nilsson wasn’t a man without success in his time.  He wrote “One”, which was made famous by Three Dog Night, and his 1971 masterpiece  Nilsson Schmilsson was a massive chart success. In the process of eventually reaching number 3 on charts, the album spawned two top ten hits. So why is it that it’s taken so long for Harry Nilsson to receive his due? His due, by the way, in the form of the recently released 17 CD box set Nilsson: The RCA Albums Collection . A massive undertak...

At the bookstore this afternoon, my attention was directed towards a book in the discounted history section. The book was simply titled “Lincoln in 3-D”, and was a photo book of period 3-D photography. Naturally, the title alone made my brain conceptualize of a motion picture based upon the book. I suppose on the one hand I shouldn't be surprised, there's been a number of nouveau takes on our sixteenth president. Outside of the recent Spielberg picture, there was “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter”. So in keeping with modern times, how else can we use the great emancipator for fun and profit? Let us begin with the actual trailer for the smash movie: “Lincoln in 3-D”. Never before has the motion picture screen known such excitement! Millions spent! Three years in the making! You won't believe your eyes when you see “Lincoln in 3-D”!!! Redundancy pictures is proud to present a once in a lifetime IMAX experience! You'll swear that you can actually reach out and ...

From time to time, as a public service, we here at The Loafer like to take some of your pressing questions and ask them to our foremost expert, Dr. Andy. The mailbag has been overflowing with questions lately, and we felt the time was right for some responses. As always, we wish to remind you that Dr. Andy is not an actual doctor, though he does DVR General Hospital, and watch it every night before going to bed. And now, Ask Dr. Andy. Dear Dr. Andy, This summer my wife and I have been having a terrible time with bugs and pests appearing in our home. We try to get chemicals out of our house as much as possible, and we figured we'd write you and ask if you knew of any natural repellants that might provide us with some relief. Sleeping at night has become quite difficult due to the frequency of mosquitos in our bedroom. Best, Ronald P. Jumpsmith Dear Mr. Jumpsmith, Indeed I do know of some all natural pest control that you may mix up at home. Did...

It was glorious. It was beautiful. I’d even go so far as to say that the bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich that I had constructed for myself that morning was damned near being the food of the Gods. Everything was perfect. From the crisp, toasted homemade 15 grain bread, to the soft set eggs, and the ooze of the cheese. I sat myself down at the table, took a moment to be grateful to be alive, and I dug in. The first bite was sheer heaven, I swore I heard “Can’t Get Enough of Your Love, Babe” by Barry White start to play. Right as my breakfast moment of nirvana reached its zenith, is also when my phone rang. I was ready to ignore it, “let’s not ruin this with words” I thought. My eyes glanced at the screen, and discovered that it was my aunt calling. Foolishly, I set my sandwich down, and answered. “How quickly could you bring over as much ice as possible?” is what my Aunt said as soon as I slid to answer. “Lightning ran in on my fridge last night, it’s fried, and every...