Andyland, USA

I could see the headline rolling across my mind as I drove a 24 foot long U-Haul truck through a narrow up hill road in the rain. Ideally, the headline would say “Beloved Writer Dies in Blaze of Glory, Thousands of Secret Lovers Revealed in Aftermath.” However, the reality of the situation is that the headline would say “Local Idiot Dies in Truck Incident, Was Wearing Spongebob Underwear.” As those thoughts went through my mind, I too thought of the other outcome, should I prove successful in this venture. At least, I would be thanked. At most, I would be thanked, and given an Applebees gift card. The reason as to why I found myself behind the wheel of a behemoth U-Haul truck is that my Aunt and her husband were moving into a new house, and they needed help. I consider myself a very competent and rather good driver, but the idea of driving a truck that is partially to blame for the ice caps melting, isn't something that thrills me. Initially, I wouldn't have to w...

Looking for a new iPhone case should not fill me with an overwhelming sense of anxiety. Yet as I begin the process to look for a new iPhone case, I find myself doing more research than I would if I was buying a car. It's the same crossroads that do me in each time, style vs function. I don't want my nice iPhone to be inside a candy colored plastic brick, nor do I want something that looks like it can survive reentry. I want something with some style, a kick, a little personal touch. Sometimes the biggest issue with style over substance is that most of the stylish cases simply snap on and cover the iPhone, offering very little protection. I'm a little odd in the sense that I both quite like technology, yet I'm something of an old fashioned type. This is why when I discovered that iPhone cases made of actual wood were a thing I became excited. There's actually more than one company making wooden iPhone cases. All of the language on the company's webpa...

As October rolls around we begin to make our lists of must see Halloween movies. Many of which are horror films that we've been watching forever. It all starts in September when I begin to look at my movie shelf and start to ponder what I want to watch in the coming month. If there is one director whose films I get really excited about watching every October, it's the films directed by William Castle. Castle's career as a director spanned from the early 1940s right up to the mid 1970s. I don't wish to go too deeply into Castle's past, or his whole life, really. There's a fantastic documentary on the man called “Spin-Tingler: The William Castle Story” that is worth checking out. Instead, the exact period of films I want to focus on that make a “William Castle Movie” what they are, would be the films Castle produced and directed from 1958-1965. What is it about this span of films that makes them so special and such an excited part of my Halloween celebra...

I realize that I am growing out of touch with the rest of world. This is all thanks to a combination of age, and a general loathing of humanity all together. OK, that last example may be a little extreme. Odds are this is really due to the simple fact that as I get older, the less I care what anyone thinks. That's a pretty nice feeling to have. After spending most of my twenties feeling like I had to change myself to fit in with everyone, I'm mostly comfortable being who I am now. With this is mind, I simply must take a moment to discuss something that I found myself becoming irritated over during a sleepless night I had recently. I can't stand the word "bae." "Bae" is a term invented by "the young people" in an ever growing butchering of the English language to refer to the person you are currently in "love" with. In the modern era of snap chatting your body parts and tindering for love, it seems that having to actually ...

I've been thinking about franchise films lately. I don't hate the concept, but I do think that Hollywood is getting carried away trying to turn EVERYTHING into a franchise. It makes sense in some places, particularly when done well (Marvel Studios). Yet a recent article talking of the long rumored “Ghostbusters 3” had Dan Akroyd quoted saying he'd like to turn “Ghostbusters” into a Marvel Universe-esq type film series. I grew up on “Ghostbusters.” My childhood sustenance was based on a steady stream of Ecto Cooler and Slimer toothpaste. The first film I ever saw in a movie theater was “Ghostbusters 2!” Yet, I'm not so sure I want to see an epic “Ghostbusters” saga universe. Despite it being the be all end of all of Hollywood today, the concept of a long reaching franchise isn't anything new. If anything from Hollywood's past mirrors of the modern conceits we're seeing now, it's Universal's classic Horror and Monster movies that span the e...

"Greetings my friends. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives." That immortal bit of dialogue opens up the 1959 B movie classic "Plan 9 From Outer Space." It's a moment of Ed Wood brilliance that came to mind the other day, as I sat on my bed and watched a live stream of Apple announcing their new products. I say “watched,” but the live stream of Apple's new product launch was not on par with their phones. After buffering kept going all over the place, I walked away from my AppleTV box, then went to the live blog on tech website Engadget. I've been rocking an iPhone 4 for the past few years, and been quite happy with it. However, in the past few months it has begun to show its age. Naturally I was curious as to what great new miracles the tech giant had planned. Would the new iPhone have powers that might let me walk through walls? Would it be able to project a tiny hologram?...

Every now and then I'll go a day or two without shaving. Sometimes when I've skipped two days, and I have a rather noticeable look at what my beard line is like, I'll stand in the mirror and have a conversation with myself. “Hmm. You could grow some facial hair, if you wanted.” Once I begin this conversation with myself, the next step is to determine what kind of facial hair I could adequately grow. A beard? No, not enough on the sides for that. I then come to the realization that maybe I could rock a mustache. “Hmm, I might have a certain Ernie Kovacs touch with a mustache. It could be quite suave.” But then after thinking about it, I decide that even though I can rock a two day stubble, perhaps facial hair just wouldn't quite fit in with my general demeanor. I shave it all off, and I like the reflection that I see looking back at me. Still, the thought of a mustachioed Andy haunts me. I think about it often while shaving. Sure, there's the argu...