Music to Watch Girls By

I was going to spend this past Valentine's Day the way I normally do. Eating tuna from a can, and watching Knight Rider reruns in my underwear (you're welcome, ladies). My friend Evelyn was going to spend it getting drunk and singing Adele songs at the top of her lungs. We decided it would be for the best if we both went out together, instead of doing things that would get us judgmental looks from our pets. This meant for a stress free Valentine's Day. I didn't have to worry about flowers, cards, or candy. We just went out, had a good time, and cracked jokes about the couples around us.

There was the group of two couples, middle aged, who were out just to enjoy each other's company. There was the high school couple, who were out on their first “real date”. It was charming to see, also to see our waiter franticly trying to keep up. The couples that were there just because it was the thing to do seemed downright tense. As if a huge banner was flashing about the man's head that read “I MUST TAKE HER OUT, BUY ALL THE THINGS, GIVE ALL THE CANDY!!!”

We were sitting smack dab in the middle of the restaurant, so we were going to be getting a glance at each table no matter where we looked. Evelyn pointed out a couple that were just seated next to us. Both of them seemed a little shy, a little awkward. It was a first date. No, I'm serious. A couple. On their first date. On Valentine's Day.

At first, I couldn't believe that anyone would go out on their first date on Valentine's. That's like taking the inherent awkwardness of the situation, and amping it up to eleven. The table at which our intrepid couple were sitting at, was located in such a direction that it was quite easy for Evelyn and I to observe the entire situation, without looking as if we were looking. How did we know for sure it was the first date? First off, the fellow in question seemed that adrenaline pumping combination of excited and nervous.

He shook his leg up and down. The school boy grin on his face seemed to indicate an internal monologue of “I'm out on a date! With an actual woman! That I didn't have to pay to have dinner with me! Go Team Venture!” The lady had a warm, inviting smile on her face, and held her head slightly back. Her face seemed to indicate that she was thinking “Yes, he seems acceptable. Perhaps I'll feel better after some wine.”

Watching the date progress was rather odd. At the beginning, they were both leaning away from each other. As far as possible without looking unnatural. With each passing course, the couple began to move closer to each other. I felt like I was in a World War Two sub, watching two blips on the sonar screen move closer to each other. This continued right up till dessert was served. At that point, they were making out in public.

On the one hand, I was rather impressed that this man had gone from awkward to the “tongue down throat” stage so quickly. On the other hand, they were making out in public. Nothing can make an enjoyable dinner out turn sour quicker, than the sight of a couple trying to savor the last few bites of the meal together, internally. The back molar inspection did not last long, thank heaven. Soon the couple on was their merry way, and our people watching came to an end.

All in all, it was a nice night. Had a great time, the food was wonderful, and instead of watching people make out on TV, I was able to see it up close and personal. See you next week, Follow me on Twitter @ThatAndyRoss