Unfollow/Unfriend

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Due to recent events, you may have found yourself having to do some thinning out of your friends list on Facebook. You either unfollowed someone, or you outright unfriended them. Facebook, mercifully, doesn't tell someone that you've unfriended/unfollowed them. It leaves it for them on their own time to discover the cruel fate that you have bestowed upon them. Sometimes, however, I think it might not be a bad idea for Facebook to allow you to fill out a form letter to tell the other person why you felt a need to un them.

Much like a customer satisfaction survey, all you would do is click whichever button applies to that particular case, and it would inform the other party your reasons. Think of it as a way of helping them to be more aware of the world around them. It would simply tell them that they had been unned, and not reveal which one of their former devotees did the uning. Allow me to show how this form letter would look from vantage point of the person doing the unfriending or unfollowing.

“You have chosen to unfollow/unfriend __________. In the interest of making us all better people, please pick one of the reasons below as to why you chose to unfriend/unfollow _________. If none of the reasons below apply, please fill in your own reason in the space provided.

( ) We do not agree with each other politically, I've not seen you since high school, and I have no reason to put up with this.

( ) I am not entirely sure how we know each other, and I'm 99% positive we've never interacted in real life. Were you my ex's sister's cousin?

( ) Your complete lack of competence and broad range ignorance is awe inspiring. I weep for you family.

( ) You bemoan of how badly you wish to loose weight, yet all you post are recipes for high fat and high sugar content meals.

( ) You seem to only post for people to stop inviting you to play games, unaware that there is a “X” button you can press to turn those invitations off.

( ) You liked Sarah Palin's Facebook page unironically.

( ) You think articles from The Onion are real.

( ) You think that “U, 4 & R” are perfectly acceptable substitutes for actual words.

( ) You don't know the difference between “Their, There, & They're.”

( ) Your keyboard seems to be stuck in “Caps Lock.”

( ) Your selfie game is not strong.

( ) Fill in your own.


Now that last option would be the place for you to simply fill your own ideas with. Get fully down and dirty with your true feelings about what caused you to make the change with the simple click of a single button. I think you too would agree that this would make life easier for us all, and maybe—just maybe—make better people out of those who need to brush up their grammar.  

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