Awkward Times at The Movies

When I can't think of a picture to use, I post one of Audrey Hepburn

This past Friday I went out to the movies with some friends. It's not that going to the movies in an unusual occurrence for me, I just dislike the experience most of the time at the mega plex. We went to see a movie on opening night, and the theater was fairly full. We arrived early, which when you consider how many ads and previews you're subjected to before the actual movie starts, meant nearly an hour before. The theater was fairly full, and the row I was in was full. With the exception of two empty seats at my right, cut off by a young couple at the end of the row. 

The house lights had dimmed, the previews were about half way through. Still, a few stragglers began to make their way into the theater. From the corner of my eye, I could see a figure coming up the aisle. There were plenty of seats above, and below, but this person chose to sit directly next to me. Not in the chair next to the couple, but directly next to me. The movie began, and half way thought my salty popcorn, I realized I should have gotten a bottle of water from the concession stand—even if it did cost $8. 

I try to be considerate to those around me, and not get up during the film, less I'm on the aisle.   I was locked for the duration. Which was fine, till I looked over to my right and saw who was sitting next to me. The mother of a former girlfriend, and one that never liked me. Matter of fact, it was this mother who was the catalyst that began our break up. She wanted her darling daughter to be with a doctor, or a lawyer. Not a writer who tends to dance around his house in a bathrobe to “Sex Machine” by James Brown. 

The movie was rated R, one of those comedies that promises to be “outrageous”, so the sight of her alone at this film was strange. My goal now became not one of enjoying the movie, but one of not getting noticed. I was not helped by the times the movie made me laugh, and I do have a rather, um, noticeable laugh. An awkward situation to be sure, locked in for nearly two hours with no escape in sight. 

But the awkward level did not hit eleven till about halfway through the film, when a sex scene appeared on screen. I wanted to sink down in my seat, and sneak out of the theater. I couldn't, I just had to sit there and hope she didn't look over to her left at any point. When the credits began, and the lights came back up, I quickly moved so that my back would be to her as she got up from her seat. My friends kept staring at me while I just sat there. The ex momma left without seeing me, or if she did, she didn't want to acknowledge my presence. 

I still made everyone wait for about a minute and a half before getting up to leave, they didn't like that. I made my way out, and back to my car, without running into her. I was thankful, but still felt like I needed to take a shower. I did when I got home, and as soon as I was out of the shower, there was a voicemail from my ex waiting for me. How. Nice.