Andyland, USA

December 25 Dear Diary,     Here we are, Christmas day! My wife and I have had a wonderful Christmas! We had a marvelous meal and enjoyed spending time with family and friends. We're doing something different, however, we're going to roll our gifts out over the 12 days of Christmas. Should be exciting, and perhaps let that Christmas spirit last longer. Today I was given a beautiful pear tree, with a partridge on the top of it. The cat is having a fit over the bird, and I'm trying to figure out where in the yard to put the tree.  December 26 Dear Diary,     Today my wife gave me two turtle doves, they're getting along just fine with the partridge. I didn't really ever think I'd have any birds in my lifetime, but now I have three. They're pretty, and they sing well. The cat drools when he walks by them. We're keeping them as far away from him as possible, I have to run to PetSmart and buy bird feed.  December 27 Dear Diary,

    During the golden age of Hollywood, one studio held the monopoly on horror films. That studio was Universal, who between the 1920s and the 1950s released a steady stream of films featuring some of the most popular and iconic monsters in movie history. Seeing the success Universal was having with their horror offerings, other studios would occasionally take a shot at trying to grab some of the horror going audience.       Warner Brothers’ 1946 horror/mystery film “The Beast with Five Fingers” was that studio’s only attempt at anything in the horror genre during the entire 1940s. Headed by a cast that included Robert Alda, Andrea King, and Peter Lorre—in this last film for the studio—“The Beast with Five Fingers” is an adaptation of the short story of the same name by W.F. Harvey. I don’t know if there’s any real connection between “The Beast with Five Fingers” and “The Hands of Orlac,” but one can’t help but wonder if the latter inspired the former ever so slightly—both sto

    The 1990s is considered to be a golden age for TV animation. Spearheaded by the 1992 debut of Nickelodeon’s animation line up, TV cartoons changed. Gone were the shows designed to sell toys, “Transformers,” “GI Joe,” replacing them were a new wave of creator-driven shows that were smart, funny, and all innovative in their own ways. Growing up in this era we had no clue that we were so lucky to have an insane amount of creative shows for us to watch, it just seemed like “these are the shows that are on right now.”      By the ‘90s, Turner Entertainment had bought animation giant Hanna-Barbera. The studio had been struggling for a decade to produce a hit show, under new leadership, TBS would get its first cartoon and the legendary studio would see a new wave of shows start that would give the famed brand a much-needed boost. The first of these shows was “2 Stupid Dogs” that premiered in 1993. Created by Donovan Cook, the series focused on the adventures on two unmanned dogs,

Hello, it’s me. I’ve thought about us for a long, long time. OK, apologies to Todd Rundgren—but hello. How are you? It’s been a while. You look well, you haven’t changed. Is that a new haircut? Looks great on you! Yes, The Loafer was away for a while. It looked like it wasn’t going to come back, but now it’s back! Where have I been in the time since The Loafer was gone? Oh, I’ve been around, but let me fill you in on what’s been going on in the last month or so since we saw each other.   When The Loafer first closed up shop I sat around on my couch for about a week. I had a steady diet of cheese whiz and chips, laying around all day watching old episodes of “Sale of the Century” on YouTube. After this phase of ennui passed, I knew I had to do the humane thing, it was time to let Batteries Not Included roam free. I packed the column up into the back of the car and drove to my aunt’s farm upstate. I opened the hatchback and said “Go on, git! You’re free now!” Tears

    In January of 2019, I will turn 34 years old—I am always amazed I made it this far. Seeing that I will turn 34 and that I’ve had a hell of a year with all the things going on, I feel it’s most important to celebrate my 34th year of life in a big way. A big, epic, slightly reckless and unnecessary way. Some people go on elaborate trips with their spouse—I’ve been single since the Regan administration, so that is not on the docket for me.       Nope, I want to do something that will require a small, yet sizable amount of money. This is something that Kickstarter will laugh at, so I must turn to the other crowd-funding favorite, GoFundMe. I know I will need at least $5,000. Rental fees for the venue? Hmm, let’s say another $5,000. Cost of goods for the party? Hmm, let’s just add another $5,000 to the list to keep it a nice, round amount. I’m sure there will be other incidentals that I will need to be aware of, so I think I should add an extra $5,000 of precautionary money to t

    I wonder what was going on the media zeitgeist in the early 1960s where two prominent works of media focused on creepy children with terrifying powers. In December 1960 MGM released “Village of the Damned” a big screen adaptation of the 1957 John Wyndham novel “The Midwich Cuckoos.” Then in 1961, Rod Serling’s seminal TV series “The Twilight Zone” aired an episode in November that year called “It’s a Good Life.” About a small town terrorized by a young boy who has powers over, well, everything.       “Village of the Damned”—starring beloved British character actor and leading man George Sanders, along with Barbara Shelly—was a sleeper hit for MGM on both sides of the pond, being a full production of MGM’s British studios, audiences and critics both reacted positively to the film. The image of the children using their powers is one that has entered into the pop culture lexicon, and the film itself was remade by John Carpenter in 1995.       One morning the people of the

    It had been a rowdy night with the boys. We were hanging in the basement of one of the group, playing Risk till the wee small hours, shotgunning cans of La Croix (Pamplemousse burns so good!). We were at the house of the one friend who has the big house in the fancy suburb all the annoying people you know want to live in. We know not why he chose to live here, but his house is massive and the basement is our domain. He even installed a rage room so when my beloved Kamchatka falls during a game of Risk, I can walk right in, put on a helmet, and punch through some drywall.       With a belly full of the fizz juice, I drove myself home, being careful and delicate to be as quiet as possible. I didn’t want to wake my wife or son up, it was a quarter to three in the morning. Walking into the basement room I noticed it felt a bit warm. As I made my way upstairs I noticed it was getting distinctively warmer. Not miserable by any means of the imagination, but not where the house is

    It’s that early morning window when you’re not entirely sure if you’re dreaming or awake yet. Your mind drifts. You feel rested for the first time in a long time. You’re still trying to figure out things as you slip into consciousness. “What day is this? I have no clue. I don’t recall the last time I slept so well.” You also note that the house is quiet suddenly, really quiet. “Huh, I can’t hear the air conditioner or the radio I had on when I fell asleep last night.”       You hear your phone make a sound, and you realize that the power has gone out. You slowly open your eyes and see the ceiling fan is still moving, but slowing to a stop. “Huh, I wonder what caused the power to go out?” You think. You can’t hear any rain going on, there hasn’t been any thunder. “Maybe just a power surge, but that usually pops right back on and this has been off for a bit.”       If you’re anything like me, you have a brain that tends to take simple, small, everyday things and turn them

The collaborative efforts of British filmmakers Michael Powell & Emeric Pressburger are among some of the most celebrated films ever made. In their homeland, the films the pair made together are often considered to be among the finest films to ever come out of Britain. Together, Powell & Pressburger shared the credits of producer, writer, and director on 24 films they made between 1939 and 1972—usually under the production moniker of  “The Archers.”   Some of their more celebrated films include: “The Life and Death of Col. Blimp,” “The Red Shoes,” “Black Narcissus,” and the film I’m going to talk about today, newly released on blu-ray by The Criterion Collection, 1946’s “A Matter of Life and Death.” I first saw “A Matter of Life and Death” earlier this year at the behest of a dear friend. Simply put, the movie floored me. Between the amazing color pallet—that I’ve never quite seen any other movie achieve—the story, the acting, this was one of those films that reminde

"Hey There, Andy!" is dead--long live "Hey There, Andy!" When I began this blog years ago, it was to be a web archive for my Batteries Not Included column that appeared in The Loafer. At the time I called it "Hey There, Andy!" as I just liked how it sounded and wanted to get things up and running as quickly as possible. But since then things changed, the web presence for my column got better, I got busy with other things, my dad got sick, and I started to refer to the hub as all things I do as "Andyland, USA."  So it came time to do something about "Hey There, Andy!" Frankly, the name didn't serve me anymore. So, folks, stay with me as I introduce the new coat-o-paint on the place, and dub this Andyland, USA! You'll see a lot more of my usual shenanigans here in the future. I just hope you'll continue to support me on this crazy ride of putting the words together. Hugs and kisses, Your Humble Mayor,