An Important Message
Ladies and Gentlemen, this week's column is going to be a little bit different than what you're used to. For one, this week's column was actually written by a group of monkeys in adorable, 1930s, bellboy outfits. The cuteness level is beyond comprehension. I'm kidding, of course, though I am wearing a fez and despite what everyone has told me, I feel quite good in it. But in all seriousness, this week's column is the culmination of several years of work on myself that I'm proud of. I suffer from a rare, little known medical condition. I've also been asked to become the new national spokesperson for this condition, in a new series of PSAs that, hopefully, will bring more light to the cause. I suffer from what is known as “Sleep Jagger”. “Sleep Jagger” is a condition that one in every five hundred Americans suffer from, though it's not life threating, “Sleep Jagger” does have negative effects on your life, your relationships, and loved ones. The c